February 18, 2014

We drove into New Orleans at night while the NBA All-Stars were getting ready to strut their stuff.  The  Jam was at the Super Dome and the cars were flying past us trying to get there.  It was a bit hellacious.  Cathy was the hero driver this time.  She kept saying, "Please, don't let us end up in the French Quarter!" Having never been there I did not know what she was talking about until we visited the next day.  An RV and the French Quarter would not have mixed.  Plus we have the word, "Love", plastered on the side of the RV and that may have led to some assumptions (David, we are getting the mace!).  Thankfully, our B&B was in the Garden District,

It was about eight o'clock when we turned onto Prytania St., one block off St. Charles.  Neither of us could see the numbers on the houses so after two times around the block (these streets are somewhat bigger than in the French Quarter but not that much!) I ended up walking and Cathy was driving slowly.  We actually managed to park on the street right in front of the B&B.

Our lodging, the Henry Howard House, was built in  the late 1800's with beautiful large rooms with high ceilings and furnished in the style of the period. Fellow Immaculatans, there was a lot about it that reminded us of IC (never will say IU!).  High ceilings of the Green Room and the rooms in Villa Maria and Lourdes' suites, the tile work on the floor, and the chandeliers are but a few examples. The saintly statues and the nuns were the only things missing.  We figured out those halls and our B&B  were built around the same time.

After a lovely breakfast we got on a street car headed to the French Quarter.  The whole town is gearing up for Mardi Gras. Harlequins, beads, flags etc. were everywhere! We managed to get in all the sight-seeing we needed:the St. Louis Cathedral, the Mississippi River, the bands, the art-lined streets, the art, and the people!  We ate and drank the food/drink that make the French Quarter famous.  We had beignets and cafe au lait at Cafe du Monde, ate oysters in every form at the Acme Oyster House, and ended up with Laura's Pralines, an indulgence we share with Whoopie.  We kept looking for a NBA star to have a picture taken.  We figured we would impress a few Love cousins, especially the Johnsons, but none were to be found. 

After a lovely breakfast we got on a street car headed to the French Quarter.  The whole town is gearing up for Mardi Gras. Harlequins, beads, flags etc. were everywhere! We managed to get in all the sight-seeing we needed:the St. Louis Cathedral, the Mississippi River, the bands, the art-lined streets, the art, and the people!  We ate and drank the food/drink that make the French Quarter famous.  We had beignets and cafe au lait at Cafe du Monde, ate oysters in every form at the Acme Oyster House, and ended up with Laura's Pralines, an indulgence we share with Whoopie Goldberg.  We kept looking for a NBA star to have a picture taken.  We figured we would impress a few Love cousins, especially the Johnsons, but none were to be found. 

We managed to speak with and get a few pictures of older people who certainly were not typical. As we reflected on our grandparents who did little or no travel and our parents who did travel a bit, we began to understand that this is another stereotype the boomers are out to break.  Retired boomers travel!  The kids have left the nest and so have the boomers. They visit our national treasures near and far from home and stay in tents, campers, homes, or hotels,  Although financial concerns hold some from pursuing their long-held travel dreams all of us eager to learn about our wonderful world.

On Monday we walked the Garden District.  What gorgeous homes!  The live oaks are massive that line the streets and their roots are too.  The Lafayette Cemetery is in the midst of the Garden District.  There are 30,000 people buried there, many of them infants ("Our Little Laddie").   Because of the water table all the graves are above ground. We kept looking for Lafayette's tomb. We still don't know if he's buried there! The landscaping, the garden sculptures, the trees in bloom, the Mardi Gras decorations, all helped to add to a perfect walk.

We managed to find the Irish neighborhoods and ended the day with a beer and a wine in the Irish House.  The chef/owner is from Ireland and is carrying on many traditions.  He has five daughters.  The first four are five year-old quadruplets and the fifth is a three year-old who according to him rules the roost. 

(We have many pictures but where we are right now is taking forever to upload them so I give up and will post this without them.  They are on Facebook and I will try to add them later when we have better wifi service.) 

It is now Tuesday and we are in Texas on our way to Galveston. Going across to the island on a free ferry!

Florida 2/12-2/15 2014

We thought we were blessed to leave South Carolina before the ice but the drive to Florida was long and hard.  We drove through drenching rain and what should have been 4 hours took us eight.  Floss drove the hardest part and it was dark for the last hour and most everyone knows driving at night is hard for her.

Being with Cheryl and David has been just what we needed.  Catching up on each other's lives and enjoying the Florida sunshine is wonderful.  We are introduced to all the people who love them here and it makes me happy to see how much they are loved and appreciated.  I am honored to have worked with Cheryl and we have become best of friends.  We have been treated like queens in their lovely home.

We have talked quite a bit about retirement.  Dave and Cheryl have been retired for ten years.  Their lives are filled with travel to family, cruises all over the world, and engagement with their community.  They took us to the "Villages" which is one of the largest retirement communities in Florida.  The ratio of men to women is 1 to 11 and they have the highest STD rate in the country.  That is a statistic that surprises people with stereotypes about the sex life of the elderly.  Clearly, there continues to be a seeking of partners at all ages.  There were many more women out and about in the community than men.  However, there did seem to be comradarie for men in the bars.

The next day we took a trip to Winter Garden and again the number of retirees and facilities for the elderly were evident. Golf carts were everywhere in this beautiful outdoor shopping mall we visited. We met many snow birds. It gave us a chance to talk with people from all over the country. They love Florida but they hold abiding love for their cold weather state. 

The financial worries for some are real. The 73 year-old woman who continues to work as a hostess and the older couple from Belgium who could not return for the funeral of a parent are but a few examples. Scamming the elderly is a continuing problem. Trust is a wonderful virtue but when it is misplaced you feel terribly violated. Losing your life savings to a trusted person is unconscionable and unimaginable particularly for the elderly.

Between observations we did a little shopping. When we are together we really have to monitor each other on the shopping. We have not been toooo bad YET! We took a pinkie swear today that buying cloths was done for the rest of the trip. Want to take a few bets on that one?

Cheryl and David are a perfect example of what retirement/aging can be. They have made the Minneola area THEIR community. In every store or restaurant they call people by name, know their stories, and have become their friends. They are generous to everyone. Cheryl hugs and David smiles.

It was appropriate for us to be where we were for Valentine's Day. We were reminded of what a difference hugs can make in your life. There is physical evidence that a 20 second or longer hug makes a positive change in your body chemistry. We are blessed to come from an extended family where hugs are the norm.

Together David and Cheryl lavish their love on Joey, their treasured dog. David built a special ramp so Joey, who is fourteen years old, can easily climb into bed with them. He is a lucky dog!

A new special love for these two are David's motorcycles. Cheryl trusts David implicitly driving and is very comfortable on the back of the Harley "Bagger". They are planning a trip to Oregon this summer (three months) to visit Wendy, their daughter, and her husband, Greg, and their granddaughter, Maya. They will pull the motorcycle in a trailer behind their Jeep cross country and then drive along California's Route 101 on the bike.

Like all of us David and Cheryl have had painful life events that shaped them in their younger years and still are working through some difficult moments. Some of us learn from those events and some of us don't. Cheryl and David seem to have learned and chosen love as the answer. Their nicknames for each other are Precious and Champion. They personify those names to each other and others daily.

Cherish is the Word.........

He calls her 

Precious

She calls him

Champion

Names

Reflections

Heartfelt labels

conveying deep meaning

Was she always

precious?

Was he always a

champion?

Does a thoughtful/thoughtless

name define?

Do words hold the power

to create?

Precious Champion

self-fulfilling Names

grow and glow warmly

as they age

What a perfect ending to our day!

The last few days have been learning the "what and where and how" of the motor home.  Every time someone asked me a question my answer was mostly "I have no idea."  I trusted in the motor home gods to get me wherever I needed to go.  Besides, it was so cold in CT when I left, I could not stand to be outside very long before my fingers and toes were frozen.  I thought when I got to DC I could learn there with my sons but it was almost as cold there.  In South Carolina, it was far from warm but at least it was in the 40's.

My nephew, David, became the most kind and PATIENT teacher I have ever known.  He wanted to build our (Flossie, his mother, and I) confidence so his mantra was "you got this!"  He left us with tasks to do together and after awhile came to teach us what we could not figure out on our own.  We are so grateful for his expertise and love in helping us on our journey.

For a laugh, here are a few of the things we encountered:

The water-
We first tried to connect the water hose to the hot water tank and were connecting it to the pressure gauge for the hot water tank.

 We read that we needed to empty the waste water and my neighbors, Jeannie and Wally, were there visiting Bill, and we solicited their help.  They were sorry as it turned into a smelly situation.  We did find the correct valves and intake but not before Wally got a splash or two and Jeannie a whiff! But we have that part down pat now!  Of course, we may never use that bathroom ...... just in case!

We then flushed the system and spent time trying to find where the potable water went in (and learned from David that the word potable has a long o) and proceeded to fill that tank and clean it with a bleach mixture.  Cathy and I then spent an hour and a half trying to find the water pump. We opened each of the 8 compartments at least twice thinking we had missed it and, of course, not knowing what we were looking for anyway!  David was busy putting a new step and kick plate on the door and installing the bike rack and we did not want to ask him for the 800th thing (in the meantime Bill is dying.  He was confined to sitting on the couch and not helping!). David finished, walked in to the RV, took out the kitchen drawers and said, "Here's the water pump.".  Then he turned around and saw the button on the opposite wall-which in the RV is 18" away- and said, "Is this the button you are looking for?"  Are you getting the picture? At that point we all had glasses of wine in our hands so we toasted and congratulated David on his expertise!

The above gives you an idea of our mechanical expertise.  Thank God for David! The saga continued. We ended up leaving one day late but all was well and our little home on wheels is cozy and well organized (again in part due to David and his mounting organizers all over the RV).  Thelma and Louise also gained some knowledge.  When the propane man was graciously in the RV (he was checking our house water system) David informed him that we would be learning each step of the way.  We in a chorus answered, "There will be kind men all across America!" And yes, David, we will buy mace!

We woke up on Tuesday to a pouring rain and 33 degrees.  Poor David was inflating all the tires to 65 pounds, putting and locking the bikes on the rack, finishing touches inside, rebuilding the table, draining and refilling the potable water tank and finishing the kick plate.  We finished up securing everything and making our home comfortable. 

We woke up on Tuesday to a pouring rain and 33 degrees.  Poor David was inflating all the tires to 65 pounds, putting and locking the bikes on the rack, finishing touches inside, rebuilding the table, draining and refilling the potable water tank and finishing the kick plate.  We finished up securing everything and making our home comfortable.  

We left to David videoing our departure and a dedication of our trip to Mom and Dad.  We were singing, "Off we go into the wild blue yonder", which we sang often as kids to commemorate Dad's naval service.  Finished it off with "California here we come!" Dad will be watching and protecting us from on high and Mom will be working the rosary at Brookline.

About two hours out we had gotten to Pawley's Island.  Chapman wanted to know if we had taken a nap! We had filled up with gas and, of course, neither of us minds stopping at any point.  We ate at Landolfi's in Pawley's Island.  Highly recommended to us and absolutely delicious!  We will return.

We realized the back step is haunted.  It refused to retract even though the motor to retract it ran.  By the time we stopped on the other side of Savannah for the night and tried to turn on the inside lights that battery was dead as a doornail.  Our genius driver, Cathy, parked under a light so we did not have to turn on the inside lights! Figuring out what runs what (propane, battery, electric or gas/generator) is our challenge!

Due to weather and exhaustion we decided on a hotel for our first night.  We ate at the bar in Ruby Tuesday's in order to watch the Olympics (Flying Tomato what happened? Shaun was gracious in his loss.  A lesson for us all.).  The pairs figure skating took our breath away with its beauty. The first American win by a woman in luge took our breath away with fear. Our waitress was good, Shannon, but we decided she was not as competent or beautiful as you!

In our room we watched more Olympics and crashed!

We are now on our way to Cheryl and David's in Minneola, FL for a couple of days. The beauty of sisters is that we complete each other sentences and haven't stopped laughing.  

Coastal Carolina

As I reflect on life-long learning during my sabbatical, I am also spending time with family and friends.  I am currently visiting with my sister and her husband in South Carolina.  It has been my home base as I visited universities in North and South Carolina.  My visit coincides with a serious injury and hospitalization of my brother-in-law.  I am trying to be a supportive guest as my brother-in-law deals with the pain and frustration and my sister tries to figure out how to be most helpful.  It is an amazing dance we do with our families.  It helps that we are sure that underlying all the efforts is unconditional love.  Even though there are mishaps, anxiousness and anger, we are truly trying the best we can.  What else can we ask of our loved ones?

In my visit to Coastal Carolina University, I learned that the university has a 30 year history of offering life-long learning to people over 50.  They have three sites all run by one director who I had to ask if she ever slept.  She is clearly here to serve and loves working in this program.  Her biggest budget item is the promotion of the program so that when and if the funding is cut that the word of mouth from attendees of the programs will be all the promotion she needs in the future.  She is warm, welcoming and inclusive of everyone who enters the program.

In my discussions about ageism experienced at Coastal Carolina, they said that it does happen.  However, in South Carolina, over 50% of the population is over 50.  The baby boomers are here or coming in large numbers.  According to the Director, we "boomers" attacked every other "ism" we may as well bust ageism.

UNC Wilmington

Respect for our elders was ingrained in us as children and it is so important for us to pass it on to the next generation.  If we fail to learn from our elders because we look at them as "old,"  as in no longer relevant, or not good any more we loose a wealth of life experiences and expertise.  Interviewing people who provide life-long learning has given me the chance to see people who define old as venerable.  They stress the dignity and impressiveness of their elders.  I am so enjoying getting to know them.

When I think about the "isms" in our society, whether racism, sexism, etc., one of the underlying beliefs in our "isms" is that people in "that" group are all alike.  So untrue in all cases and certainly when it comes to our elders.  Think of the variety of life experiences we have and how that makes us who we are.  The life experiences of our elders helps develop unique individuals with stories to tell.

Everybody really is different.  My children tease me about being like my siblings or my parents yet at the same time they know I am unique in many ways.  As I get closer to the "third stage" of my life I think about the "what now?"  I certainly don't see this time as waiting to die.  My life still has adventures ahead.  I want to continue to grow, meet new people and interact with future generations.   How I will choose to do this is still taking shape as it is for many people my age.

In the southern part of our country, the demographics have been heavily weighted with people over 50 for many years.  They know who they need to serve and have taken on that responsibility.  They talk freely about all the retirees coming from the Northeast and how as a university community they have to make an effort to serve them.  I know our weather is not conducive to retirees but all of the country is getting older.  What role do we want to play in serving the largest growing population?

Mary Oliver is a poet who puts into words so many of the ideas/thoughts we have in our lives.  This one seems appropriate here:

Waiting in Reston, VA

Waiting for the motorhome to be fixed gave me the chance to hang out in Reston, VA anxiously awaiting the phone call with the cost for fixing it.  I sat in a coffee shop reading emails.  Two older gentlemen sat next to me and it was obvious that they meet on a regular basis for coffee.  I thought how nice it was that they had this social time.  It became very clear that I needed to check my stereotypes about the elderly.  Their conversation was about computer programmers from other countries, like Russia, who were creating software for potential government contracts with the US.  They discussed how long the process takes and how many trips they had made to explain this to the programmers.  I received an education about software and an opportunity to be reflective about my own ideas about who these men were before I got a chance to know them.  Was I participating in ageism?  Have I really thought about what that looks like and how I might be contributing?  I know that I find it difficult to share the breadth of my professional and personal experience without feeling like I am boasting and yet often younger colleagues have no idea what my life experiences are.  Too often they assume that they can't possibly measure up to theirs.  How do we capture wisdom and experience and not assume that those older than us have stories but they are irrelevant to the world in which we live today.
In the cab I took to get the motorhome, I had my first female driver.  She happened to be African American and had a beautiful head of grey hair.  In talking she shared that that morning she had taken a customer to a jewelry store to buy a present for his girlfriend and he asked her to wait until he was done so she could take him back.  On the way back, they stopped at a convenience store for him to use the restroom.  As she waited six police cars surrounded her cab and a police helicopter was flying over it.  An officer came to her window and asked if she had a passenger and she explained he was inside.  The officer said we think he just robbed a bank.  She said that this was not possible that he had been with her the whole time.  "Why do you think it is him?" she asked.  The officer said the bank robber had on a black coat and black pants.  That's it!  Half of DC males have black coats and black pants but as an African American woman who has seen people put in jail on slim evidence she knew this could have been one more case.  Her frustration with this behavior was evident.  She had been driving for 25 years and had many amazing stories.  She made me laugh as she talked about young people who get in her car and ask if she has a GPS before they tell her where they want to go.
She says I have a brain that knows this county well but now only a GPS knows the way!  Never thought about assumptions people make about whether we can through experience match what computers, phones, etc. have in details and is one more valuable than another?
Motorhome just had loose wires.  Charged me for an hour of labor!  Hooray!